[Quick Note: I am currently on vacation, wallowing in the gorgeous surroundings of an Austrian Spa. I do this at the end of every year. I not only recharge my batteries, but I also always end up coming back with tons of insights and ideas, which I then share on the blog. So really, I'm doing this for you. You're welcome.
But not to worry, by pretties, I won't leave you hanging while I'm away. I've written up a series of short blog posts to tie you over. Those of you who like short posts are going to love me for the next couple of weeks. Those of you who long for 3.000 behemoth posts, there are always the Archives. The Deliberate Receiving Blog will return to normal, wordy service on January 6th.]
Awesome Dudette asks: “I know we can’t change other people but I was just wondering, is it possible to make others more open minded? My mother thinks that we should act accordingly so society does not make fun of us. I don’t get it. I try to make her understand that it’s not always important to care about what society says. I actually got nominated for homecoming queen, and my mom is not the type of parent who would be supportive of this. I really don’t know what to do at this point; I just want her to accept the fact society is not always important and accept my chance of becoming homecoming queen.”
Dear Dudette,
Yes, it’s possible to make others more open minded. But, you can’t talk them into it. You have to line up with the more open minded version of them. As you’ve discovered, trying to argue your mom into being more allowing and less afraid isn’t working. It just makes her argue back.
Why people are closed minded
It’s not that your mom doesn’t want you to be happy. She does. She’s just afraid for you. She has fears of her own, probably formed in her own childhood and teenage years, and she’s projecting them onto you. She wants to protect you from what she sees as a cruel world.
Your mom may have been made fun of as a child. Or, she could’ve simply observed and been taught by others, like her own fearful parents, to be careful. She learned that if she conformed to what others wanted, if she kept her head down, her life got a lot easier. And, she learned that if she didn’t conform, that others could be very, very cruel and cause her to feel like she wasn’t good enough. She decided that the best way, and mostly likely the only way to avoid that feeling was to conform.
She’s simply trying to save you from that feeling. She doesn’t want you to suffer. Her perspective may be based on false beliefs, but she is coming from a place of love.
Lining up with a more allowing version of others
You are in charge of one thing and one thing only: Your reality. And you use the Law of Attraction to shape that reality every moment of every day. I mention this, not to state the obvious (this is, after all, a Law of Attraction blog…), but to point out that it’s the Law of ATTRACTION, not the Law of Repulsion. You can’t push anything out of your experience. You can only pull it in. And you pull things into your experience by focusing on them.
So, if you don’t like something, don’t push against it. All you’ll be doing is pulling more of it into your reality. The more you focus on how closed minded your mom is, the more of that side of her you’ll get. The louder you get and the more vehemently you try to argue, the more she pushes right back. She becomes even more closed minded, more afraid, more stubborn. And so do you. Think about it. The second your mom tells you that you can’t do something, don’t you try all the harder to get what you want? Does her arguing with you make you more likely to see her point of view? Nope. Just the opposite.
Acceptance
Accept your mom for who she is – a human being who has fears of her own and is doing the best she can. She loves you and wants the best for you. She wants you to be happy. And you want to be happy. On this point, you’re in total agreement – you ultimately want the same thing. You just don’t quite see eye to eye on how that happiness can be achieved. But acknowledge that your mom is doing what she’s doing because she wants the best for you. Be ok with the fact that she’s afraid. Sometimes, you are, too.
Visualization
Now that you’ve softened your stance on your mom, and are no longer demonizing her and seeing her as this horrible obstacle who just wants to mess your life up, you can begin to visualize yourself going to the homecoming dance. Your mom kisses you goodbye and tells you that you look beautiful. And you do. You feel like a princess. Get into that feeling. Your dress will be spectacular. Your hair will be perfect. Your makeup radiant. See yourself smiling and laughing. Your date will barely be able to speak, having been awestruck by your beauty. Do not worry about how the dress got bought, etc., if that brings up thoughts of how you you’re your mom’s cooperation. Let the Universe take care of that part. Your job is to find a way to feel good.
And then, see yourself at the dance. Feel the excitement of it, the fun, the music, the atmosphere, the laughter. See yourself having a wonderful time, just being there. You don’t need anything more to happen. You’re gorgeous, you adore your sexy date and you’re on top of the world. And then, because you’re already there emotionally, the final cherry on top will slide right into place: they announce the homecoming queen and they say your name! You’re overjoyed and your face hurts from smiling so much. Everyone feels your happiness and joins in.
And when you go home that night, you find your mom waiting for you. And in your excitement, you tell her how wonderful it was, how incredible you feel and how everyone was happy for you. Your energy just envelops her and she can’t help but feel your joy. And in that joy, you see her relaxing. You can see the fear leaving her as she realizes that you’re ok. You are not in pain and you are not in danger. No one is ridiculing you. You are happy, which is all she ever wanted.
This visualization, if done correctly (meaning, it feels really, really good), will go a long way towards lining you up, not only with being homecoming queen, but with a softer, more agreeable version of your mother. If you focus on her fear or her manifestation of it (the arguing), you will line up with that version of her. If you focus on her being allowing and understanding and more secure in her knowledge that you will be happy and won’t get hurt, you’ll line up with that version of her. It’s your choice.
Win your mother over with your happiness
You cannot convince your mother to be more open minded. But you can win her over by achieving the goal that she wants for you, even if you do it in your own way. The goal is more important than the way, believe me. So, if you find happiness and flood that all over her, she won’t be able to help but see it and feel it. And that’s how her fear will dissolve. That’s how she’ll become more open minded. Because all she really wants for you is to be happy and not to have to suffer. So go and be happy. Don’t make your happiness dependent on her, or you’ll be doing the same thing that she’s doing – needing the other person to behave in the way you want them to so you can feel better. That never, ever works. Take yourself out of that game and just visualize yourself right into joy. You can’t argue with joy. No one can. Not even your mother. 